When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
Randomize
