When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
momentary stint on a second floor library computer...guy next to me snorted blue adderall off his notebook through a cut straw, i cant tell if this guy is my hero or just plain crazy...
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