it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
I also witnessed that same parrot perched on the head of a man grinding with a girl.
Interesting. As a girl I don't know how okay I would be with that.
She seemed pretty into it.
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
Randomize
