why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
Posh spice and Baby spice both in one night. Fantasy complete. God bless halloween.
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
Randomize
