Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
She rubs her butt on the bed & then she growls..
my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
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