Hello Stephanie, you need to come pick me up at Par Blvrd correctional facility and bring $750-$1000 for bail. I just got a DUI. Thank you.
What!?!?! How are you txting?!
Because this is Officer Reynolds, and I just arrested your boyfriend.
9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
Randomize
