I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
Randomize
