God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
I'm thinking of having one or both of my boobs out. They're small but they're mighty.
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
enjoying your night?
do dogs like to salsa?
I dont know if that answers my question or not
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
Randomize
