flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
Randomize
