Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
It's a good deal. He teaches me how to longboard, then we have sex
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
Randomize
