Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
They keep asking what you are doing. I told them to quit calling her "what."
too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
my shit smells like andre
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
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