he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
Randomize
