I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
three words: i give head
three words: not that well
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
So..he has a girlfriend BUT she rarely writes on her wall and is only in 5 of his 371 tagged photos and her default pic is her with some other dude. It cant be serious
Oh my god you need to get off of facebook.
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
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