i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
He screamed "Oh boy! Oh boy!" during climax.
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
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