i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
Randomize
