My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
You smell like stripper and shame
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
Randomize
