You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
Randomize