I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
Randomize
