Someone shit on the floor
Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
other girls like to lick balls but none of them live for it like u do
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
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