Do you think you have hit the lowest point in your life when you find yourself actually condisering watching the movie "Gigli"?
i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
Randomize
