oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
Randomize
