considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
chatroulette drinking game turned into a foursome.
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
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