That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
My bed smells like the plague
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
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