Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
I want to die, ON THAT, with that INSIDE ME. ironically, I sense that would be the only time I'd feel alive.
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
Randomize
