i don't plan on having that self control this summer
You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
april was a good month for me, sexually...doubled my number, had a threesome, fucked a girl for the first time and two different boys in one night. there should be a medal
Randomize
