Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
my nose is crying tears of wow.
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
Randomize
