for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
the only thing i can think of after seeing avatar is "when are they gonna make avatar porn?"
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
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