new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
i just made my gag reflex go away.
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
Randomize
