in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
Randomize
