i would give spencer pratt a bj just so i could bite his dick off
he'd just find a way to get more famous from being a eunich.
MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
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