I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
Sext me about skeletons
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
Randomize
