My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
I want her autograph on my taint
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
Randomize
