My mom foundout about my dui nd just called me to come home. I just took acid like 30 min ago. Wht should i do?
The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
out of nowhere you said let us see your boobs, then proceeded to pull my shirt down.
i gets down
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
Randomize
