so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night.
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
Randomize