I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
he likes ron paul.... that's all i'm going to say....
okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
Dave a horae rider a coqw boy
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
Randomize
