omg he said he wants to insert his penis into my vagnia what do i say
tell him to stop quoting family guy
you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
ugly people sure do ruin things
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
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