her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
Randomize
