I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
I can't remember if we talked about feelings. Fuck you Miller High Life.
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
i swear to god. if they dont have practically DTF written on their foreheads, or a glowstick in their hands, strictly no entry.
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
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