awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
What's dad's email?
askmom@cause.idk
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
Randomize
