Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
it was like eating out sand paper
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
Honestly, It follows the same rules as Cock Roulette.
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
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