Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
I’m a go ahead and fuck down ATL. So when I leave in January I’ll have no regrets.
They left me at home... I'm a liability
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