So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize
