so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
Randomize