I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
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