then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
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