I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
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