Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
answer honestly do you think i can make a bloody mary with ketchup????
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
Randomize
