Help. Asians are flirting in front of me(773): They speak asian
Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
Randomize
