I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
Whatevss it will be funn .. Hopefully no one projectile vomits on the wall again.. Its kinda become a tradition though
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
Randomize
