just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
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