I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
Please get rnbert tn get chebk h'm in i'm no dead when he getr gome
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
It's amazing what a couple of orgasms can do for a girls demeanor.
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
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