went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
Randomize
