So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
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