After last night I still want u
But please keep that on the DL
found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
Randomize
