i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
test was negative. but nancy drew has yet to solve the case of the missing period.
Randomize
