Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
Randomize
