I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
Randomize
