I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
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