Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
okay, prove you're not drunk to me. write 5 true sentences about me with correct grammar.
I am sober. Because I don't drunk. It is bad. People die. I like Domenico because o he bag women what up?
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
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