Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
Tim john just told us the story about him losing his virginity at 14 during church on the emergency exit staircase. This is day drinking?
Update. He just picked me up and tried to demonstrate
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
Randomize