You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
I just shit my pants and had a heart attack. Simultaneously. May or may not be related to this game.
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
He ate me out for my sailor moon manga and I gave him a blowjob for his Devilman manga. Pretty sweet deal imo
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
Randomize
