I only kidnapped one of them. chill
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
Randomize
