doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
Soo I woke up in the storage room at best western....I dont even know what say
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
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