I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
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