How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
Randomize
