I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
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