Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
yea i really dont care about the sex, i just want him to eat my vag. He has to be good at because of his tremors.
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
Randomize
