she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
so...dinner was kid's cuisine and a bottle of wine. i think they go well together.
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
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