If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
Goodbye hot boy in my geo class...goodbye my lover, goodbye my friend. you have been the one, you have been the reason I came to claassss
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
The bouncer was being really rude for no reason. Steph PICKED him up and physically MOVED him from our path on the way out.
Well thats the pro of going out drinking with a pro body builder. Even if its a girl.
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
Best orgasm I ever had! I though we totally connected and I asked him to stay over. He went back to the sigma chi house and returned with his blankie and a 40. please help
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
Randomize
